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Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2022-08-10 08:52:14
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Liz Fosslien
  • ISBN：1838858512
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Summary

From the duo behind the bestselling book No Hard Feelings and the wildly popular @LizandMollie Instagram， an insightful and approachable illustrated guide to handling our most difficult emotions。


We all experience unwieldy feelings。 But between our emotion-phobic society and the debilitating uncertainty of modern times， we usually don't know how to talk about what we're going through， much less handle it。 Over the past year， Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy's online community has laughed and cried about productivity guilt， pandemic anxiety， and Zoom fatigue。 Now， Big Feelings addresses anyone intimidated by oversized feelings they can't predict or control， offering the tools to understand what's really going on， find comfort， and face the future with a sense of newfound agency。

Weaving surprising science with personal stories and original illustrations， each chapter examines one uncomfortable feeling--like envy， burnout， and anxiety--and lays out strategies for turning big emotions into manageable ones。 You'll learn:

- How to end the cycle of intrusive thoughts brought on by regret， and instead use this feeling as a compass for making decisions
- How to identify what's behind your anger and communicate it productively， without putting people on the defensive
- Why we might be suffering from perfectionism even if we feel far from perfect， and how to detach your self-worth from what you do

Big Feelings helps us understand that difficult emotions are not abnormal， and that we can emerge from them with a deeper sense of meaning。 We can't stop emotions from bubbling up， but we can learn how to make peace with them。

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Reviews

Beverly ，

I won a copy of "Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay" on Goodreads First Reads。 This is a wonderful book on how to cope with life。 I won a copy of "Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay" on Goodreads First Reads。 This is a wonderful book on how to cope with life。 。。。more

Rafael Vasco ，

This book goes through several so called Big Feelings， feelings that may impact our lives in a deep way: Uncertainty， Anger， Burnout， Despair， Regret and so on。Reading the book， sometimes I thought to myself: I never exploded with anger。 Not that much。 I never suffered with that level of despair。 Yes I did。 We all have。 Emotions are at the same time our biggest strength， but can be our downfall as well。 Everyday we are adding to our emotion bags， little bits of one， little bits of another。 It ma This book goes through several so called Big Feelings， feelings that may impact our lives in a deep way: Uncertainty， Anger， Burnout， Despair， Regret and so on。Reading the book， sometimes I thought to myself: I never exploded with anger。 Not that much。 I never suffered with that level of despair。 Yes I did。 We all have。 Emotions are at the same time our biggest strength， but can be our downfall as well。 Everyday we are adding to our emotion bags， little bits of one， little bits of another。 It may not appear that much， but in the long run it adds up。 The biggest lesson that I can give， and one which I been doing and this book enforced even more is: Don't only hold up those feelings from people that care about you， but don't hold them from yourself。 Talk to yourself about it。 Detach from yourself as a 3rd person。 We tend to create a mental bubble of negativity when we're going through bad things and we get lost inside it。 Realize you can direct your mind， and you can direct your emotions through visualization。 Visualize yourself getting out of that bubble。 Visualize your bad emotions evaporating away from your body。 And it will be so。We experience all sorts of hardships throughout life。 But believe me: There's absolutely nothing we are not able to handle。Obs。: Read this book out loud for enhanced effect。 In fact， do it with every book。 。。。more

Jonathan Jackson ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Excellent！ Profound！ comedic！ thought-provoking！ Introspective！ Liz and Mollie have done it again！ This book really helps you understand your emotions understand the origins of feeling: despair， regret， anger， perfectionism， & comparison。 teaches you to identify what started， gives you multiple perspectives， and steps to move forward from these very big feeling。 This book gives you more advice than another book telling you to “just be happy and/or let go of the past”

Ashley Collins ，

Honestly， I didn't expect to find this nearly as helpful as I did。 I found out about Liz and Mollie as well as this book in a newsletter I subscribe to， and I figured it couldn't hurt to add it to my holds list since I really liked the graphics I saw on their Instagram。 Once it came in， I wasn't sure it was going to be anything well-researched， but further inspection quickly proved me wrong - so much so that I went and snagged their first book off the shelves before ever starting this one。 Big F Honestly， I didn't expect to find this nearly as helpful as I did。 I found out about Liz and Mollie as well as this book in a newsletter I subscribe to， and I figured it couldn't hurt to add it to my holds list since I really liked the graphics I saw on their Instagram。 Once it came in， I wasn't sure it was going to be anything well-researched， but further inspection quickly proved me wrong - so much so that I went and snagged their first book off the shelves before ever starting this one。 Big Feelings is the perfect kind of self-help book。 Liz and Mollie's work comes with great graphics， thoughtful anecdotes， science-backed research， multi-background considerations， and tons of good resources。 It tackles seven Big Feelings: Uncertainty， Comparison， Anger， Burnout， Perfectionism， Despair， and Regret。 It's not a cure all book， but they do a fantastic job throughout reminding readers that big feelings are normal and okay and， more importantly， they won't last forever。 They also show us that they aren't always bad because exploring these feelings can provide us ways out of them and towards something new。 My favorite chapters were Uncertainty， Burnout， and Regret， but I could very easily see myself finding this book again if I'm going through a big feeling and need to know where else to turn。 I really enjoyed this and I look forward to reading their previous title and continuing to follow their content online！ 。。。more

Juli ，

Highly recommend even if you don’t think you are going through big feelings you probably have a friend， loved one， coworker， employee going through these big feelings。 I may have even cried while reading it some of it hits so close to home。

Melissa Cruz ，

For me， this book was one useful， easy read。 I liked how the authors gave a realistic perspective of the issues they were discussing; a lot of self-help books try to sell a "one-and-done" strategy for mental health problems that isn't really attainable for many of us， so hearing that they also struggle with some of these issues first-hand and gave advice to live a better life instead of pretending to have the key to fix all of your problems was really refreshing。 For me， this book was one useful， easy read。 I liked how the authors gave a realistic perspective of the issues they were discussing; a lot of self-help books try to sell a "one-and-done" strategy for mental health problems that isn't really attainable for many of us， so hearing that they also struggle with some of these issues first-hand and gave advice to live a better life instead of pretending to have the key to fix all of your problems was really refreshing。 。。。more

Kelli ，

I really enjoyed this book and many of its lessons have stayed with me。 I appreciated how succinct the others were while still clearly conveying their messages。 The organization also made this book easy to follow as it's split into different chapters each delving into one specific big feeling， discusses myths about the feeling， and then methods to better handle the feeling。 Many of their topics and the emotions they chose are very on the nose for today's society， such as perfectionism， burnout， I really enjoyed this book and many of its lessons have stayed with me。 I appreciated how succinct the others were while still clearly conveying their messages。 The organization also made this book easy to follow as it's split into different chapters each delving into one specific big feeling， discusses myths about the feeling， and then methods to better handle the feeling。 Many of their topics and the emotions they chose are very on the nose for today's society， such as perfectionism， burnout， regret， and comparison。 Many of their quips have stayed with me such as "Don't compare your life to someone else's highlight roll" （and to realize you haven't seen the work they put into where they were and would you really want to have done what they did or be where they are？"; "It's okay to want something and not have it yet" （as a method of avoiding regret）; that perfectionism actually isn't helpful and you'd perform better without it; and that it's okay to take days to yourself and say no to plans。 It also was an important message that you can learn from your feelings such as when you feel regret or envy it helps you note what you want in life and what's important to you。 Overall， a very important， beautifully vulnerable book that I will probably be re-reading in the future。 。。。more

Holly ，

The right book came along for me this week！ There is a lot to unpack here， all good stuff。

Jung ，

Big feelings have the capacity to knock us out。 But you can learn to use them to grow。 Whether you struggle with comparing yourself to others or battling despair， the first step is always to acknowledge how you feel。 You can’t make big feelings vanish completely – but you can move past them。And for those looking for more actionable advice:Get therapy。Talking through your feelings with a professional is a step that can help people enormously， so it’s worth considering no matter which big feelings Big feelings have the capacity to knock us out。 But you can learn to use them to grow。 Whether you struggle with comparing yourself to others or battling despair， the first step is always to acknowledge how you feel。 You can’t make big feelings vanish completely – but you can move past them。And for those looking for more actionable advice:Get therapy。Talking through your feelings with a professional is a step that can help people enormously， so it’s worth considering no matter which big feelings you’re dealing with。 And it isn’t necessarily always that expensive。 There are numerous online resources and nonprofits that can connect you with free or low-cost therapy options。 In the US， see if any local clinics have psychotherapy students offering free sessions。 You can try looking up “sliding-scale therapy near me” online or check out the Open Path Collective。---AngerSo， comparison: not all bad， as far as big feelings go。 And the same goes for our next big feeling， too: anger。A friend of the authors， Griffin， was on a foreign trip with the multinational company he worked for。 He and the team were on their way out to lunch one day when a senior team member shoved his hand under Griffin’s shirt and started feeling his chest， chanting the word “Gay！”Initially， Griffin didn’t feel angry。 He felt ashamed – and， understandably， confused – but， having been brought up to believe that anger was a bad thing， he didn’t let it out。 It was only after describing the incident to a friend – who rightly pointed out it was sexual harassment – that his attitude changed。So Griffin got angry。 But， after thinking it through， he decided not to channel that anger into a lawsuit。 Instead， he worked really hard and got himself a different job。 Not a perfect solution – but at least his anger was put to use。Sometimes anger is righteous。 It can simply be an understandable， justifiable reaction to actual injustices you’ve faced。 What’s unhealthy is the idea we should suppress it。 Because in reality， it’s like water。 As the author Soraya Chemaly has said， you can dam it or divert it， but it’ll always find a way through。So how do you deal with anger， then？ Yet again， the first step is to acknowledge it。 If it’s a particular problem for you， try writing an anger log: write down everything that sparks anger in you for a week or so。 You’ll start to see patterns。You should also think about how you tend to respond to anger。 Some people are anger suppressors， who simply bottle it up – not healthy。 Some people are anger projectors， who lash out at others。 That’s not great， either。 If that’s you， give yourself a chance to cool down before you engage with other people。 And some people are anger controllers， who maintain that everything’s fine， even when it clearly isn’t。Some people， though – and this is the one to work toward – are anger transformers。 They understand that anger can be channeled into something productive and creative。 It can be healthy and give you clarity。Being an anger transformer doesn’t mean yelling at everyone。 You should consider meditating to get into a clearer state of mind， rather than reacting impulsively。 The key thing is you’re not denying the way you feel – rather， you’re using it， strategically， to move on。---PerfectionismLiz’s favorite pair of pajamas was a long pair of men’s pants with a hole in them。 Her favorite evening snack was a bowl of popcorn soaked in soy sauce。 Sometimes， Liz liked to get up in the middle of the night and pace around frantically， just to tire herself out。 Oh， and her apartment was a mess。All that was fine – it was just who she was。 But when she got food poisoning， her boyfriend sweetly offered to come round and make some soup for her。 Then she panicked。 She couldn’t bear to let him see the state of her apartment！ She panicked so much that she threw up。We all have flaws。 The problem is that an alarming number of us are perfectionists， constantly insisting on higher standards for ourselves than we can actually manage。 Some people， like Liz， are perfectionists in their social lives， and some are perfectionists at work。And some people will swear to you that perfectionism is a good thing – that being a perfectionist means getting things done。Be wary of that。 There are plenty of people out there who become so paralyzed by their perfectionism that they never take any action at all – people whose perfectionism， like Liz’s， causes unnecessary angst and stress。But how do you let go of something like perfectionism？ It’s hard。 But one of the keys is to get comfortable with （what you think of as） failure。It’s common to think of failure and success as opposites – picture two little piles of stackable bricks， one colored yellow， one blue。 The truth is， the wall that each of us is building is made up of bricks of both colors and in no particular pattern。 Because， of course， you learn from failures， and they help you along。Here’s another tip。 Ask yourself what your friends love about you。 I’d bet good money that your ability to maintain a pristine email inbox does not figure highly on their list。 Other people don’t hold you to the same standards that you hold yourself。And here’s one more。 Give your internal perfectionist voice a name。 Call it Grace， or Bozo， or Voldemort。 And when you hear that voice， remember that it’s them talking， not you。Oh – Liz and her soy sauce popcorn。 The boyfriend who came round when she was sick and saw her messy apartment？ It was fine。 They moved in together not long after that。 And now， he’s her husband。---DespairLet’s start this chapter with a trigger warning – it mentions suicide， so if you’d rather not read about that， skip to the next one。Mollie was 32， and her first book had just come out。 She was happily married and had no history of depression。 But something changed， suddenly。A big part of it was chronic pain – she was struggling badly with a pain in her feet that meant she could barely stand for five minutes without severe discomfort。 The doctors weren’t able to help much， and some of the treatments actually made things worse。She’d also been trying to conceive， but she was so stressed that she stopped getting her period。So one day， on her way to a hotel on a work trip， she wrote a note to her family， saying goodbye。 She made a plan for how to end her life。 She got to her hotel room and lay down on the bed， knowing that all she had to do to set her plan in motion was call a taxi。But she couldn’t bring herself to make the call。The big feeling we’re dealing with here is despair。 It doesn’t always get as bad as Mollie’s did， but it really can – and in the US， it’s been on the up for the last few years。What can you do about despair？ Unfortunately， there are no shortcuts。 In fact， that’s pretty much the first step you might need to take: realize that it’s not a question of curing it but， rather， of getting through it gradually。 You might have heard this bit of advice – take it a day at a time。 Scrap that: take it a moment at a time。 Because when you’re in the pits of despair， getting through just an evening can feel like an eternity。So break that time up by indulging yourself。 Have a hot shower， watch a silly movie， eat a tub of ice cream。 Nothing is too frivolous if it helps you get through that time。And when you do get through that time？ Give yourself a pat on the back。 And the same goes for every time you accomplish anything at all。 Going to the pharmacy might not sound like a great success， even if it only takes a small part of your day， but if that’s all you’re capable of doing， then it’s something to celebrate。One more tip？ Talk to people – but only the ones who get it。 In fact， avoid the ones who don’t。 Seek out those who can give you empathy， not just sympathy。 Politely distance yourself from your less helpful friends – just for a bit。Mollie made it through。 It took time， and there was no specific moment when she stopped feeling that low。 A few little things did change – a new job， a book club， her husband was a big help。 And now she looks back on her period of despair and she’s amazed at herself for finding so much strength。 She found a way to get through it。 So can you。---RegretWhen she was a kid， Liz spent every summer with her grandmother in Germany。 Liz cherishes those memories – of her grandmother’s dated floral wallpaper in the hallways and her big cozy armchairs in the living room， all in a strange and enthralling foreign land。But when her grandmother died， her mother asked Liz to go with her to Germany to clean out the house – and Liz said no。 She was busy with work and she was angling for a promotion， so the timing was just off。And still， to this day， she feels the regret in her stomach。We all have regrets。 We’re hardwired to have them。 In terms of evolution， it’s our brain teaching us to learn from our mistakes so we don’t do the same thing again。 But the thing is， we end up feeling regret even when we’ve made decent choices or done things that were unavoidable。 We just can’t stop imagining what might have been。There are six types of regret， and they all require different strategies for tackling them。 The first two are hindsight and alternate-self regrets。 The hindsight regrets are when you look back and wish you’d known then what you know now。 And alternate-self regrets are when you imagine how your life would have been if you’d followed a different path altogether。With both of those， the key thing to do is to stop imagining some other life for yourself with rose-tinted glasses。 And give yourself a break – if you really had known differently at the time， or if you had followed a different path， you’d be a very different person right now， and you might not have a lot of the things that you now hold dear。Rushing-in and dragging-out regrets are about acting too quickly or too slowly – so slowly， in fact， that your indecision costs you dearly。 These are regrets you can learn from， to improve your future decision-making。 Analyze why you made the choices you did， and think about how you could have acted differently。With ignoring-your-instincts regrets， the name says it all。 And they contain a positive: your instincts were right！ So give yourself some credit for that， and learn to trust yourself。 Self-sabotage regrets are common in people struggling with addiction， and may require deeper work。 But again， self-analysis and honesty are key。 Be clear about why you made the decisions you did at the time。It’s impossible to shut off regrets altogether。 But you can get rid of the “should haves” – and replace them with “what ifs。” Because you can ask “what if” about the future – not just the past。 Which， let’s face it， is much more practical。So， Liz didn’t go to Germany to help pack up her grandmother’s house。 Years later， her dad had to go to the hospital – it was his heart。 And her mom told her not to bother taking the long trip from San Francisco to Chicago。 We’ll be fine， she said。 You’re busy。But this time， Liz knew what she had to do – and she was on the next flight to Chicago。 。。。more

Salsabeel ，

Big feelings have the capacity to knock us out。 But you can learn to use them to grow。 Whether you struggle with comparing yourself to others or battling despair， the first step is always to acknowledge how you feel。 You can’t make big feelings vanish completely – but you can move past them。Get therapy。Talking through your feelings with a professional is a step that can help people enormously， so it’s worth considering no matter which big feelings you’re dealing with。 And it isn’t necessarily al Big feelings have the capacity to knock us out。 But you can learn to use them to grow。 Whether you struggle with comparing yourself to others or battling despair， the first step is always to acknowledge how you feel。 You can’t make big feelings vanish completely – but you can move past them。Get therapy。Talking through your feelings with a professional is a step that can help people enormously， so it’s worth considering no matter which big feelings you’re dealing with。 And it isn’t necessarily always that expensive。 There are numerous online resources and nonprofits that can connect you with free or low-cost therapy options。 。。。more

Jill Lucht ，

Helpful！！ Some particularly good nuggets—“follow your envy。” The things that make you jealous point to the things that you value。 For me， this is mostly travel and kittens。 Lol。 But also financial security。 It helps to put that in perspective。 To treat burnout， get comfortable living at 80% and say NO。 And since I have a low tolerance for uncertainty， I should continue building my life to accommodate that。 This book also helped me see that I’ve made a lot of progress toward emotional and mental Helpful！！ Some particularly good nuggets—“follow your envy。” The things that make you jealous point to the things that you value。 For me， this is mostly travel and kittens。 Lol。 But also financial security。 It helps to put that in perspective。 To treat burnout， get comfortable living at 80% and say NO。 And since I have a low tolerance for uncertainty， I should continue building my life to accommodate that。 This book also helped me see that I’ve made a lot of progress toward emotional and mental health and knowledge over the years。 Yay me！ 。。。more

Rachelle ，

Big Feelings。。。 uncertainty， comparison， anger， burnout， perfectionism， despair， regret。 All feelings that resonate with most humans are discussed， complete with personal anecdotes and suggestions on how to overcome emotions and strive for better balance。 Full of honesty and non-judgemental， even humorous at times。 Love the accompanying illustrations and charts。

Jane Dennish ，

I loved this book！ It covers so much more that I could relate to than I expected。 Some of the topics are regret， anger and perfectionism。 It didn't feel like I was reading a book about topics I have read before。 It felt like a fresh take on these topics。 I think one of the reasons for this is the authors are very candid and free with their own experiences。 I appreciate and applaud them for their ability to be vulnerable with their readers。 This is definitely a good book for everyone， even if you I loved this book！ It covers so much more that I could relate to than I expected。 Some of the topics are regret， anger and perfectionism。 It didn't feel like I was reading a book about topics I have read before。 It felt like a fresh take on these topics。 I think one of the reasons for this is the authors are very candid and free with their own experiences。 I appreciate and applaud them for their ability to be vulnerable with their readers。 This is definitely a good book for everyone， even if you think you aren't going through anything right now。 You will need it more than you realize。 Thanks so much to Portfolio for a gifted copy of this book！ 。。。more

Kate Kiriakou ，

A refreshing addition to the self-help genre exploring our Big Feelings （anger， regret， perfectionism， despair， burnout， comparison， and uncertainty） and how to approach and work through them。 I loved the approachability of this book， the various reader stories， and topics they chose to cover。 I also appreciated how bite-sized this book is; each chapter is organized with a brief description of the emotion and examples， then ways to work through them， making it easily digestible。

Anwesha ，

As someone who is '90% feelings and 10% gelato'， I cannot recommend this book enough。😄 Unfortunately， we live in a world where displaying 'feelings' is seen as a sign of weakness and incompetence。 Which essentially means nobody ever talks about them （its not 'fun'）， let alone help you understand how to deal with them。 Fosslien and Duffy talk about seven big feelings: Uncertainty， Comparison， Anger， Burnout， Perfectionism， Despair， and Regret。 I absolutely LOVE how they add anecdotes from their p As someone who is '90% feelings and 10% gelato'， I cannot recommend this book enough。😄 Unfortunately， we live in a world where displaying 'feelings' is seen as a sign of weakness and incompetence。 Which essentially means nobody ever talks about them （its not 'fun'）， let alone help you understand how to deal with them。 Fosslien and Duffy talk about seven big feelings: Uncertainty， Comparison， Anger， Burnout， Perfectionism， Despair， and Regret。 I absolutely LOVE how they add anecdotes from their personal lives and from the lives of many others。 For the first time in a really long time， I didn't feel I was the only 'weirdo' to feel the way I do。 And part of being ok with them is to figure out how to live with them。 Its not your typical self-help book （I find it very difficult to read those） but very close to Gottlieb's style of writing。 （That's another wonderful book if you haven't read it already - 'Maybe you should talk to someone'）While there were several little bits in the book that I absolutely loved， this one is my favorite:"If you’re struggling， you’re struggling。 There is no grand judge who gets to decide whether or not you “deserve” to feel despair。 Yes， there are almost certainly other people in the world who objectively have it much， much worse than you do。 You can still be suffering， and your feelings are still valid and important。" 。。。more

aqilahreads ，

this book definitely came at the right time as i was looking for a self-help-ish book but not those kind that are v info heavy。 😅 its easy to read and understand - i really like the structure of the book which focuses on an emotion in every chapter and starts with authors' personal experiences followed by the myths around the feeling。 concise takeaways were also provided after sharing on how we can work through it。 🙇‍♀️⁣⁣⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5。 overall such a great book to explore emotions and the illustrat this book definitely came at the right time as i was looking for a self-help-ish book but not those kind that are v info heavy。 😅 its easy to read and understand - i really like the structure of the book which focuses on an emotion in every chapter and starts with authors' personal experiences followed by the myths around the feeling。 concise takeaways were also provided after sharing on how we can work through it。 🙇‍♀️⁣⁣⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5。 overall such a great book to explore emotions and the illustrations really help a lot in understanding them better and make the content more enjoyable to read！！！ 💯 im one of those who would get bored easily when it comes to reading non-fic so i really appreciate the cute drawings in between to keep me engaged 😍 personally i dont really particularly enjoy some of the parts where the authors' share their personal stories; it would probably be more helpful for readers who grow up w/ similar privileges as them。 i really appreciate them tho but just wished i could relate to them more。 at the end of the day， i guess its also important to tell ourselves that we have our own life experiences which make us who we are。 ⁣:'）⁣big feelings that were shared in this book: uncertainty， comparison， anger， burnout， perfectionism， despair， regret。 i find burnout， despair and regret section most useful for me。 💚✨⁣ ⁣there were also some assessments at the back of the book （（e。g。 finding out your current level of burnout）） which made me reflect on a lot of things。 a reminder to be gentle to myself when going through big feelings。 ⁣💫⁣ 。。。more

Karen ，

There are many limitations on how helpful this book can be because， as Liz and Mollie are the first to admit， seeking professional help will always be your best bet when dealing with big feelings。 But this book is an excellent starting place for identifying your emotions and finding some of the language that can be helpful in talking about whatever it is you are dealing with。 As always， the illustrations are both accurate and funny when appropriate， which does help translate some of the concepts There are many limitations on how helpful this book can be because， as Liz and Mollie are the first to admit， seeking professional help will always be your best bet when dealing with big feelings。 But this book is an excellent starting place for identifying your emotions and finding some of the language that can be helpful in talking about whatever it is you are dealing with。 As always， the illustrations are both accurate and funny when appropriate， which does help translate some of the concepts into a more understandable or relatable format。 I would highly recommend this book to anyone right now， because we are all dealing with a lot of big feelings in many different contexts and this is a great way to start the important conversations。 。。。more

Marilyn ，

Some interesting information， especially information at the end regarding meditation apps。 However， just not for me at this time I guess。

Beth ，

This book was very helpful。 Each chapter describes a different emotion: uncertainty， comparison， anger， burnout， perfectionism， despair， and regret。 About half of the chapters include an assessment quiz so that readers can find out about their own experience with that emotion。 All of the chapters include strategies for working through the emotions， as well as case studies/examples from the authors' experiences。 There is an extensive further reading/resources section at the end of the book as wel This book was very helpful。 Each chapter describes a different emotion: uncertainty， comparison， anger， burnout， perfectionism， despair， and regret。 About half of the chapters include an assessment quiz so that readers can find out about their own experience with that emotion。 All of the chapters include strategies for working through the emotions， as well as case studies/examples from the authors' experiences。 There is an extensive further reading/resources section at the end of the book as well。 I found the chapters on uncertainty， anger， and regret the most helpful。 。。。more

Julie Bedingfield ，

I think everyone should be required to read/listen to this one！！ I listened to the audiobook on my daily walks and So。 Many。 Notes。 Not only was there so much new information for me， but so many tips & tricks that make you feel like there’s hope if you’re feeling any of the emotions they cover （especially burnout & perfectionism for me）。 I didn’t end up listening to the last 2 chapters on despair and regret yet， but absolutely feel like this is a book I will go back to when I feel any of these e I think everyone should be required to read/listen to this one！！ I listened to the audiobook on my daily walks and So。 Many。 Notes。 Not only was there so much new information for me， but so many tips & tricks that make you feel like there’s hope if you’re feeling any of the emotions they cover （especially burnout & perfectionism for me）。 I didn’t end up listening to the last 2 chapters on despair and regret yet， but absolutely feel like this is a book I will go back to when I feel any of these emotions。 Can’t recommend enough！ 。。。more

Allyshia ，

Great book to get you started on managing/recognizing emotions but not for those looking for more advanced skills。

Elyssa ，

This book is full of excellent written guidance & illustrations to deal with difficult emotions。 It's very accessible and digestible。 The authors share their own stories （including severe depression） and I appreciated their vulnerability。 Their advice is realistic and recognizes that some people have limited resources and can't quit their jobs if burned out or easily access/pay for therapy， so they provide alternative solutions which are often missing from self help books。 The end of the book in This book is full of excellent written guidance & illustrations to deal with difficult emotions。 It's very accessible and digestible。 The authors share their own stories （including severe depression） and I appreciated their vulnerability。 Their advice is realistic and recognizes that some people have limited resources and can't quit their jobs if burned out or easily access/pay for therapy， so they provide alternative solutions which are often missing from self help books。 The end of the book includes a lot of inventories to assess levels of burnout， anger， etc。 + a very long list of books and articles for further reading。 。。。more

Tori ，

I needed this book！ ❤️

Missy ，

I appreciate the chapter on burnout。 It summarizes the current research and solutions based on each dimension of burnout。 I found it actionable and the authors to share experiences that are relatable。

Tara ，

Great book！ Every chapter made sense！！！！ Take the time to read it

Phi Unit ，

Super easy read with decent tips on how to deal with:-regret-perfectionism-uncertainty -comparison-despair-burnout-angerAll feelings much more prevalent in a 2022 world

Bookworm ，

Borrowed this on a whim because the title was sadly very much on the mark。 Lots of big feelings on lots of small and little things and it's okay to admit when we're not okay。 The authors takes us through big feelings， what they are， how to deal with them， how to sit with them， etc。 Using illustrations and text， both the authors and the readers work through what to do when things are not okay。It might seem "obvious" what kinds of feelings might be covered， but the authors take us through several Borrowed this on a whim because the title was sadly very much on the mark。 Lots of big feelings on lots of small and little things and it's okay to admit when we're not okay。 The authors takes us through big feelings， what they are， how to deal with them， how to sit with them， etc。 Using illustrations and text， both the authors and the readers work through what to do when things are not okay。It might seem "obvious" what kinds of feelings might be covered， but the authors take us through several that might not be so obvious， including perfectionism and regret。 Stuff like anger and despair are perhaps not surprising to see but it was good to see the book also cover other emotions that also end to the feeling of not being okay， either。That said， this isn't for everyone。 It felt occasionally a little too personal anecdote-y with experiences and feelings I couldn't really share and so this might be geared towards an audience that isn't relatable to everyone who picks up this book。 There's not much to say than that。 Some people will like this， others won't care for how the book approaches the feelings but I'm sure there's an audience that could use a book like this。 Would probably recommend this as a library borrow， but for some I'll bet will be a nice purchase to read on your own time。Library borrow for me。 。。。more

Ana Claudia Santos-Cortez ，

Going through the most painful moment of my adult life （pre-burnout）， this book seemed to be custom-made for me。 There were pages bringing me to tears and moments of profound sobbing and others making me laugh so hard I had to share the drawings with my husband or a close friend。We are socially pressured to repress emotions since early days。“Stop crying， get your shit together”。“Well… welcome to adult life！ No time for breaks here”。“You should’ve known better”。“Snap out of it， at least you didn’ Going through the most painful moment of my adult life （pre-burnout）， this book seemed to be custom-made for me。 There were pages bringing me to tears and moments of profound sobbing and others making me laugh so hard I had to share the drawings with my husband or a close friend。We are socially pressured to repress emotions since early days。“Stop crying， get your shit together”。“Well… welcome to adult life！ No time for breaks here”。“You should’ve known better”。“Snap out of it， at least you didn’t go through …”。One can’t simply feel their emotions naturally， process them in a timely manner， and move on。 One has to repress them， look fine and hope for burnout to knock on someone else’s door （as a miracle！）。At age 28， I felt completely desperate。 And that was the moment I felt guilt at the same time: why should I feel this way？ I had a home， a loving husband and remarkable life partner， a small group of friends who’d stop everything they’re doing to meet me should I be in need， parents who shower me with support， a well-paying job， two adorable well behaved cats， comfortable clothes， access to all food types I wish。 How the hell was I entitled to feel despair in this condition？In the end， it’s never that simple and despair/burnout don’t happen just to people who have high visible problems。 There’s way more that we don’t know about compared to the amount of things we do know。For years， I learned to develop mastery around repressing negative emotions to keep performing with excellence at work， to help everyone around me when they were facing problems… all of this is great， except that it was happening at the expense of my mental health。This book helped me understand several things， being the most significant:- I’m not alone in this。- It’s a process and it CAN get better。- Small steps each day help rebuilding hope and happiness。- It’s ok to feel what one feels， we shouldn’t need to apologize for feeling sad， disappointed， hurt， or frustrated。- No one’s well-being is worthy of a toll on your mental health。Going through this， the book was a good help。I can only recommend it to EVERYONE， hoping they’d be more self aware and ok with feeling their big feelings 。。。more

Aileen ，

"Big feelings can't be eliminated; they are ever present in spite of our best intentions to dispel them。 Part of being 'okay' is learning to live with them rather than trying to get rid of them。 Another part is acknowledging them out loud， since silence makes them so much worse。""While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren't inherently positive or negative。 When we take the time to understand them， big feelings like anger and regret can serve us。" "Work "Big feelings can't be eliminated; they are ever present in spite of our best intentions to dispel them。 Part of being 'okay' is learning to live with them rather than trying to get rid of them。 Another part is acknowledging them out loud， since silence makes them so much worse。""While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren't inherently positive or negative。 When we take the time to understand them， big feelings like anger and regret can serve us。" "Work on naming and understanding your feelings， and let go of self-judgment。 Try to uncover what's driving your emotions by filling in the phrase: 'Right now I feel ___ because ___。'""Improving our ability to talk about intense emotions is beneficial to our mental and physical health。 。。。 Translating emotions into specific language frees up our brain from dwelling on negative emotions。""Strong emotions—those that cause a physical sensation in your body—last about ninety seconds。" （Chapter 1: Uncertainty）"'We don't resist change，' organizational psychologist Dr。 Laura Gallaher told us。 'We resist loss。' By converting your ambient anxiety into more specific fears， you can pinpoint exactly what you're afraid of losing and how you might be able to avoid some of those circumstances。" （Chapter 1: Uncertainty）"'New level， new devil phenomenon: every time you level up， you'll be surrounded by a new， more accomplished group of people—and you'll start to compare yourself with them。" （Chapter 2: Comparison）"'Anger is pain's bodyguard，' says grief and loss expert David Kessler。 Getting mad can spark creativity， motivate you to advocate for yourself， and help you perform better in competitive circumstances。 。。。 Audre Lorde also addressed the 'Uses of Anger': 'Every woman has a well-stocked arsenal of anger potentially useful against those oppressions， personal and institutional， which brought that anger into being。 。。。 Anger is loaded with information and energy。'" （Chapter 3: Anger）"Even just raising your voice can be scary and hurtful to others。 And something said in a moment of rage is like toothpaste; you can never put it back in the tube。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"Common anger triggers: Feeling like you aren't being heard; Feeling like decisions are made unfairly; Being in a state of anxiety; Being told to calm down; When someone interrupts you midsentence; When someone does something that affects you without your permission; When you're about to do something and someone tells you to do it。 Identifying your triggers can help you anticipate when your blood will start to boil， which makes it less likely that you'll experience what scientists call amygdala hijack。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"When anger is suppressed， it tends to lead to anxiety and depression。 Anger suppression is also associated with hypertension and high blood pressure。 If you tend to suppress your anger， instead practice communicating it in ways that feel safe。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"Anger can be clarifying and healthy （when not projected outward onto others or inward onto ourselves。 。。。 Anger is an important signal that something is wrong。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"For two people who tend to avoid conflict or not express anger until it has boiled over， the weekly check-ins create a space where they feel safe giving each other feedback and can address small issues together before they become big。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"In the South， you might hear someone say， 'Don't rush on my account，' when they actually think someone is moving too slowly。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"For many years， Mollie made a point of avoiding being perceived as frustrated。 。。。 After researching anger for this chapter， Mollie began to experiment with more direct communication。 She made sure to never be rude， but she dropped niceties and qualifiers。 。。。 Adopting a more direct communication style may make some people uncomfortable， but that's not the end of the world。 It's a powerful way to more clearly communicate what you are thinking and feeling。" （Chapter 3: Anger）"Your goal should not be to repress your anger but， instead， to express it in a healthier way。 One way to express anger creatively is through writing 。。。 or movement （dancing， running， yoga）。 Work on accepting your anger and developing ways to let it out in a way that's less toxic to those around you。""At its core， burnout is a symptom of capitalism。" （Chapter 4: Burnout）"Your life has four burners: family， friends， health， and work。 To be successful， you need to have one of the burners off at all times。 And to be really successful， you have to shut off two。" （Chapter 4: Burnout）"When you feel ineffective， it's usually due to one of three reasons: you don't have enough time to do everything that's expected of you， you lack enough context to make informed decisions， or you're not supported and recognized by the people around you。" （Chapter 4: Burnout）"Managers should regularly check in with their teams in a meaningful way。 。。。 What one thing can I do to better support you？ What kind of flexibility do you need right now？ Is anything unclear or blocking your work？ What was a personal win for you over the past week？ What was a challenge？" （Chapter 4: Burnout）"Sharing and civic responsibility are increasingly being replaced with self-interest and competition。 We're ranked and sorted through a dizzying array of metrics: 。。。 our hobbies-forced-to-become-résumé-boosters。" （Chapter 5: Perfectionism）"Without validation from those around you， [people pleasers] feel worthless and ruminate about what you might have done wrong。" （Chapter 5: Perfectionism）"[Perfectionists have] a deep fear of not being worthy， of not being loved as you are。 Perfectionists tend to feel like they're not full people。 It's fine for others to make mistakes， because those individuals are worthy。 'But not me，' perfectionists think。 'I need to prove I'm deserving of love。'" （Chapter 5: Perfectionism）"When I thought about the times I'd felt closest to loved ones， it was always when they opened up and shared their anxieties or weaknesses。 I realized that by trying to present myself as superhuman， I was preventing them from experiencing that same closeness with me。" （Chapter 5: Perfectionism）"I always thought I needed to be amazing， funny， and positive to be loved and to make someone else happy。 But often， all we need to do is be there。" （Chapter 5: Perfectionism）"Despair is absolute to the person who's in it。 If you're struggling， you're struggling。 There is no grand judge who gets to decide whether or not you 'deserve' to feel despair。" （Chapter 6: Despair）"'Live a big， ridiculous life。 If you can make an ordinary moment magical or cinematic， do it。'" （Chapter 6: Despair）"'A problem shared is a problem halved。' In the midst of despair， we often feel an urge to isolate ourselves。" （Chapter 6: Despair）"The people who care about you will welcome the truth—and will greet you with the same honesty and vulnerability。" （Chapter 6: Despair）"Even though I don't know firsthand what you're going through， I want you to know that I care about you。 Is there something I can do to help， or would you like me to just listen？" （Chapter 6: Despair）"The actual self—who you are right now。 The ideal self—the truest， most fulfilled version of you。 The ought self—the you that would check off all of society's boxes。" （Chapter 7: Regret）"When you look back， what do you regret most？ Answering this question can teach you about yourself and what you care about—even more than examining your past achievements。 Neuroimaging shows that when we feel regret， the parts of our brain associated with reasoning light up。 Examining our regrets helps us make sense of our lives and gives us an opportunity to pinpoint what we'd like to change。" （Chapter 7: Regret） 。。。more

Miguel Ocaña ，

Herramientas de análisis， comprensión de la utilidad， y recursos para mejorar en 6 sentimientos difíciles: Incertidumbre， comparación con otros， rabia， Burnout， perfeccionismo， desesperación y arrepentimiento。Además las autoras muestran sus procesos exponiendo una gran vulnerabilidad con la que se conecta rápidamente Muy útil para aplicarme el cuento， y como herramientas

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0